selfaware soup

Esther Weidauer

This Body of Mine

2021-02-01

Closeup of two hands with purple paint splatters on them

Impressions of a transitioned body

I love to stretch my legs
so far that it almost hurts
to feel the muscles and tendons in them
the skin around them
all pieces a little straining
being fully aware of them
then relaxing and while the strain fades
still feeling they are there

I love how my feet touch the ground
my whole weight resting on them
pressing them onto the earth
digging them into the ground
as if they were roots of a tree

I love to balance on one leg
almost floating
feeling my weight shift
as I move my arms
carefully placing each limb
anchoring myself in space

I love to reach as high as I can
standing on my toes
with both hands towards the stars
and seeing my shadow
or a reflection in a window
impossibly long as it has always been
with those slightly different curves

Above all I love my hands
They are not even that different
and have always belonged
to this body as it is today
With these long and nimble fingers
always a little afraid to break something
Every time they grasp
they hold
they touch
I am reminded I am home
in this body of mine