Forward
Some thoughts on starting a new decade and ending the old one.
2019-12-31
2019 is coming to an end today, as are the 2010s, and what a time it has been.
Looking back on everything that’s happened in this decade doesn’t really feel right. I’ve already done that a few times here and I’m glad I did. Writing and publishing these pieces was hugely helpful at the time:
- “Why I’m Scared”, about confronting childhood trauma and acknowledging my anxiety disorder
- “Every Way Was Wrong”, describing childhood and teenage years as a closeted trans girl
- “How I Found Myself”, where I described my process of self-acceptanc and coming-out but also what prevented me from doing that earlier
- “Dysphoria and Surviving It”, looking back on decades with body dysphoria after finally getting rid of it and trying to describe how it actually feels
At the beginning of 2019 I honestly did not believe that I would be alive by the end of the year, but here I am feeling better than ever before. In the past few months I experienced actual happiness for the very first time and I’m still not used to that feeling.
Starting with 2020 I find myself in an unfamiliar situation: There are no big issues that need to be addressed. Sure there are things that I need to work on, some of them still very difficult. But nothing as significant as the transition process of the past two years. The big steps of my social and medical transition area all done and dysphoria is a thing of the past. I’m now looking forward to a time of settling in, calming down, and having time and energy for … just living my own life.
See you around. 💜